The person says they want to go home when they are already at home. Why?

My mother has lived with me for years, but several times a day she picks up her purse and says she wants to go home, that this isn't her house. I've explained a thousand times that THIS is her house and she gets even more distressed. What can I do?

It's one of the most heartbreaking phrases for a carer to hear: someone we love saying they want to go home, when they are already at home. Feeling like you can't convince your mother is normal and not your fault.

Why it happens

Most of the time, "home" is not the physical place where they are. It's a feeling of security, belonging, and tranquillity, often linked to a childhood home or a time when they felt in control. The request usually arises when there is tiredness, anxiety, or at the end of the day. Recent memory is affected, so the current home may not be recognised.

Practical strategies

• Validate the emotion, not the fact: "Are you missing home? Tell me what it was like."
• Use reminiscence: let her talk about the old house; it calms and provides comfort.
• Offer physical security: a blanket, a warm drink, sitting next to her.
• Gently distract after validating: "Let's have a cup of tea first and then we'll see."
• Check for hunger, pain, or a need to use the bathroom behind the restlessness.

What NOT to do

• Do not insist on correcting ("but you ARE at home!") — it increases distress.
• Do not argue or show frustration.

When to seek professional help

If the request comes with great agitation, persistent crying, or attempts to leave the house, speak to your GP. You can call NHS 111 in moments of crisis. Alzheimer's Society offers support for carers.

"I stopped contradicting her. When she wants to go home, I sit down and ask her what her house was like. She ends up smiling." — Anonymous Carer