My relative talks to people who aren't there. Is this normal?

My mum sometimes talks to my dad, who died years ago, as if he's in the room. Other times she says there are strangers in the house stealing things. Is this normal? Should I correct her?

Yes, it's relatively common. Hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that aren't there) and delusions (fixed, false beliefs, such as thinking someone is stealing) occur in a good number of people with dementia, especially in the moderate to advanced stages. It doesn't mean she's "going mad" — it's a neurological symptom of the disease, just like memory loss.

Why it happens

As dementia progresses, the brain processes sensory information incorrectly and has difficulty distinguishing between old memories, dreams, and present perceptions. Seeing a deceased husband can, in practice, be a memory overlaying the present. Delusions of theft are also common because the person hides objects due to insecurity, forgets where they put them, and the simplest explanation the brain finds is "someone took them".

How to respond

• Don't directly correct. Saying "he died, don't you remember?" only causes confusion and often repeated, painful grief.
• Validate the feeling, not the fact. Instead of confirming or denying, respond to the emotion: "You miss him, don't you?"
• Gently redirect. Change the subject or move to another room after validating — often the hallucination dissipates on its own.
• Assess the environment. Shadows, mirrors, reflections on the television, or poor lighting can be misinterpreted. Improving lighting helps.

"I learned not to argue. When my mum says my dad is waiting for her outside, I say he's already gone and she's safe with me. It always calms her down."

What NOT to do

• Don't argue or try to logically prove the person is wrong.
• Don't ridicule or ignore — for them, the experience is real and can be frightening.
• Don't hide too many personal objects or drastically change the house, as this increases disorientation.

When to seek professional help

Speak to the GP if hallucinations or delusions are very frequent, cause great distress, lead to aggressive or dangerous behaviours, or appear suddenly (which may indicate a urinary tract infection or another reversible medical cause, not the progression of dementia). The doctor can assess if medication adjustment is necessary — never decide this on your own.