Jealousy and suspicion from a partner: how to manage it?

My husband accuses me of cheating on him, of having another man. I care for him every day, and hearing this destroys me. Sometimes he gets furious and won't let me leave. How do I deal with something so unfair?

Few things hurt as much as being accused of infidelity by the very person you care for the most. Your pain is legitimate and profound – and you need to know, first and foremost, that you have done nothing wrong. It is the illness speaking.

Why it happens

Jealousy and suspicion can be delusions caused by brain changes. Memory loss creates gaps that the mind fills with wrong and frightening explanations. The person may not recognise moments of the day, feel insecurity and fear of abandonment, and this turns into accusations. It does not reflect reality or your true feelings.

Practical strategies

• Do not defend yourself with logic – validate the emotion: "I see you're distressed, I'm here with you."
• Reassure with affection and presence; the fear of loss is at the root.
• Divert attention to a calm activity or pleasant memory.
• Maintain predictable routines that provide security.
• Take care of yourself: share in a support group, do not carry this alone.

What NOT to do

• Do not argue, do not try to prove innocence, and do not take it personally.
• Do not respond with anger – it worsens the delusion and conflict.

When to seek professional help

If there is aggression, fear, or the delusions are intense, seek help from your GP or psychiatry services, as there are treatments that can help. In a crisis, call NHS 111. Alzheimer's Society has support groups.

"It took me years to realise it wasn't about me. When I stop defending myself and hold his hand, he calms down." — Anonymous Carer