How to help the person communicate on the phone or remotely?

My sister lives far away and would like to talk to our mum on the phone, but mum gets confused, doesn't understand who is speaking and sometimes hangs up. How can I help make these calls go better for both of them?

The desire to maintain this connection is touching, and it's frustrating when the phone, which should bring people closer, becomes a source of confusion. There's a lot you can do to smooth these moments.

Why it happens

On the phone, body language and facial expressions are missing, which are important anchors for someone with dementia. Without seeing the person, it becomes harder to recognise the voice, follow the conversation, or understand silences.

Practical strategies

• Prefer video calls, if possible, so that the face helps with recognition.
• The caller should identify themselves immediately: "Hello Mum, it's Ana, your daughter."
• Use short sentences, a calm pace, and one idea at a time.
• Be nearby to offer support and rephrase if necessary.
• Choose times when the person is more rested, avoiding the end of the day.

What NOT to do

• Do not insist "do you know who I am?" — this creates anxiety and a sense of failure.
• Do not prolong the call if the person is tired or agitated.

When to seek professional help

If communication is severely compromised, a speech and language therapist can provide tailored strategies. The Alzheimer's Society offers support and groups where you can share these difficulties with other carers.

"When my sister started saying her name straight away when answering, I saw Mum smile. It made all the difference." — Anonymous Carer