How to communicate when words are no longer enough?

My mum is in an advanced stage and barely speaks anymore. I feel like I've lost the way to connect with her. Is it still possible to communicate at this stage?

Yes, it is possible — and often this communication is deeper than we imagine. When words disappear, the need for connection, comfort, and understanding does not. Only the channel through which this connection passes changes.

Why non-verbal communication becomes more important

Communication studies show that about 93% of what we communicate comes through tone of voice, facial expression, and posture, not the literal content of words. In advanced stages of dementia, this proportion becomes even more crucial: the person may no longer understand the meaning of a sentence, but they still sense whether the voice is calm or tense, whether the face they see is welcoming or worried.

Practical ways to communicate without words

• Gentle touch: Holding hands, a hug, or a caress on the arm directly conveys security.
• Facial expression: A genuine smile is recognised even when familiar faces are no longer recognised.
• Tone of voice: Speak softly and slowly, with a gentle intonation, even if the content of the sentences is no longer understood.
• Music: Singing softly or playing music the person used to enjoy often elicits visible emotional responses, such as relaxing their shoulders or smiling.
• Silent presence: Sitting beside them, without the need to fill the silence with words, is also communication.

How to interpret her responses

Observe non-verbal cues as indicators of emotional state: muscle tension, rapid breathing, or furrowed brows may indicate discomfort, pain, or agitation; body relaxation, a calmer gaze, or a smile indicate well-being. Learning to "read" these signs largely replaces verbal conversation that is no longer possible.

What NOT to do

• Do not force the person to speak or answer complex questions — this only causes frustration.
• Do not avoid physical contact by thinking it "serves no purpose anymore". It is often what brings the most comfort.
• Do not talk about the person, in front of them, as if they were not present — they still perceive the tone and energy of the room.

"We don't talk like we used to, but when I hold her hand and sing the song she used to sing to my brother as a baby, I see her face change. That's still communication." — Anonymous Carer