Struggling to find the right words

My mum starts sentences and then gets lost, calls things 'that thing', and gets frustrated when the word doesn't come out. How can I help her without embarrassing her?

Watching someone who has been articulate their whole life struggle for a simple word is painful for both of you. The good news: communicating is much more than just vocabulary.

Why it happens

Dementia damages the brain's language networks: first, proper nouns and rare words are affected, then everyday objects. The person knows what they want to say — it's the path to the word that's blocked. That's why the frustration is so great.

Practical strategies

• Give her time. Count to ten before 'helping'. Systematically completing her sentences teaches her to give up on speaking.
• If she accepts help, offer two choices: "Do you want the jumper or the coat?" — choosing is easier than recalling.
• Accept descriptions and gestures: "that thing for stirring coffee" is valid communication. Confirm: "The spoon? Here it is."
• Ask yes/no questions instead of open-ended questions on difficult days.
• Reduce background noise (TV, multiple people talking) — competing for attention uses up the energy she needs for words.
• When frustration appears, gently downplay it: "It's okay, there's no rush. We understand each other."

When to seek help

A speech and language therapist can help — especially in the early stages and in forms of dementia that primarily affect language. Talk to her doctor about a referral.

Sources: NIA — National Institute on Aging (USA); Alzheimer's Society (UK).