Family disagreements on decisions. How to reach an agreement?

I'm my mum's daily carer, but my siblings, who rarely visit, criticise my decisions and disagree with everything: whether she should go into a care home, who pays for what. I feel alone and tired of these arguments. How can we reach an agreement?

I know how exhausting it is to feel alone in caring and still have to justify every decision. Family conflict is one of the most painful parts of caring, and it's not a sign that you're failing.

Why it happens

Each family member experiences the illness differently: those who care closely see the daily reality; those who are far away often deny or idealise. Differences in values, guilt, money issues, and old grievances often worsen disagreements.

Practical strategies

• Call a calm family meeting, preferably with everyone, to share real information about your mum's condition.
• Distribute concrete tasks: who handles finances, who accompanies her to appointments, who contributes financially.
• Base decisions on her wishes and well-being, not on who is "right".
• Consider a neutral mediator: treating doctor, social worker, or professional.

What NOT to do

• Don't decide everything alone or on the impulse of an argument.
• Don't let guilt lead you to accept the entire burden without support.

When to seek professional help

A social worker (via Social Security, 300 502 502, or health centre) can help mediate and inform about support. Alzheimer Portugal also supports families in these situations.

"Only when I laid everything on the table, with numbers and facts, did my siblings realise the burden I was carrying alone." — Anonymous Carer