The person constantly hides and loses objects. What to do?

My mother-in-law hides money, glasses, and keys in strange places and then can't find them. Sometimes she accuses us of stealing them. I spend hours looking for things. How do I deal with this without losing my patience?

Chasing after hidden objects and then being accused of taking them is exasperating and unfair. I want you to know that this has nothing to do with you — it's part of the illness.

Why it happens

With memory loss, the person hides objects to protect them (an ancient instinct, especially for those who lived through times of scarcity) and then forgets where they put them and even that they hid them. The confusion generates fear of losing control, and the easiest explanation for their mind is that someone took them.

Practical strategies

• Have duplicates of important objects (glasses, keys) on hand.
• Learn the usual hiding places and check them first — pockets, under cushions, drawers, rubbish bin.
• Reduce the amount of money and valuables in circulation; keep originals safe.
• Check the rubbish before throwing it away.
• Keep the house tidy and with fewer loose objects.

What NOT to do

• Do not accuse her of hiding things or ask her to remember where she put them.
• Do not take accusations personally or defend yourself angrily — validate the feeling: "How annoying, let's look together."

When to seek professional help

If the accusations are intense, persistent, or cause great distress (delusion), speak to the GP, as there may be a treatable cause. Alzheimer's Society provides practical support.

"I bought three identical pairs of glasses. The morning drama ended." — Anonymous carer