How to explain dementia to the children in the family?

My young children don't understand why Grandma no longer recognises them and sometimes repeats the same things. The eldest even started to be afraid of her. How do I explain this to the children in a way they understand without getting scared?

It's a burden to see your children confused or scared by someone they love. The good news is that children usually adapt very well when we speak to them with truth and simplicity.

Why it happens

Children realise something has changed, but without an explanation, they might imagine worse things or think they did something wrong. Fear often arises from a lack of understanding.

Practical strategies

• Use simple, age-appropriate language: "Grandma has a brain illness that makes her forget things, but she still loves you very much."
• Validate their feelings: it's normal to feel sadness, confusion, or even anger.
• Show them how to interact: sing, look at photos, hold hands.
• Reassure them that the illness is not contagious and that it's no one's fault.
• There are children's books on the topic that can help.

What NOT to do

• Do not hide the situation or pretend everything is the same; children notice.
• Do not force a child into interactions that scare them.

When to seek professional help

If a child shows persistent anxiety, refusal, or prolonged sadness, talk to their paediatrician or psychologist. Alzheimer Portugal has useful materials for families.

"I explained to my son that Grandma has a 'tired' brain. He started treating her with a sweetness that moved me." — Anonymous carer