Should I tell the person they have dementia?

The doctor has just confirmed that my mother has Alzheimer's. She is still quite lucid, but I'm afraid I'll destroy her if I tell her. Should I tell her the truth or is it better to protect her?

This is one of the heaviest decisions a child or spouse faces early on. Your fear of hurting someone you love is, in fact, a sign of care, and there are no perfect choices here.

Why it happens

For a long time, the diagnosis was hidden to spare the person. Today, we know that, in the early stages, most people realise something is wrong and that the truth, delivered with tact, usually brings relief and allows them to participate in their own decisions while there is still time.

Practical strategies

• Assess their current capacity for understanding: in the early stages, it makes sense to speak openly; in advanced stages, it may not bring benefit.
• Choose a calm moment, without rushing, in a safe and familiar place.
• Use simple, honest language, dosing the information according to the questions they ask.
• Emphasise what remains: "we will face this together" is more important than any prognosis.
• Ask for support from the GP or neurologist to be present during the conversation.

What NOT to do

• Do not dump all clinical details at once.
• Do not lie in a way that destroys trust if they ask directly.
• Do not decide alone under pressure; involve the family.

When to seek professional help

If there is a risk of depression or dark thoughts after the news, speak to your GP or call the SNS 24 Line (808 24 24 24). Alzheimer Portugal offers support to prepare for this conversation.

"I was scared for weeks. When I finally told her, she took a deep breath and said: 'I suspected it. I'm glad I'm not alone.'" — Anonymous Carer