What activities can I do with a person with dementia?

I feel like my dad's days are all the same – he just sits in his chair, doing nothing, and it makes me anxious. What kind of activities can I suggest without overwhelming him?

It's very common to feel that days "pass by" without content, and this feeling often weighs more heavily on us, carers, than we realise. The good news is that you don't need to plan grand occupations: the goal of an activity with dementia isn't to "produce" anything, it's to stimulate, bring pleasure, and create moments of connection.

Why it's important

Prolonged inactivity accelerates functional decline, increases agitation, and promotes isolation. Conversely, adapted activities maintain abilities for longer, reduce anxiety, and give the person a sense of purpose – something they continue to need, even in an advanced stage of the illness.

Practical ideas by stage

• Early stage: simple puzzles, reading the newspaper aloud, card games, gardening, cooking familiar dishes step-by-step.
• Moderate stage: listening to music from their youth, folding laundry, peeling vegetables, looking through photo albums, short outdoor walks.
• Advanced stage: soft music, touch (massaging hands with cream), familiar scents (coffee, lavender), presenting objects with different textures.

How to suggest without creating resistance

Always choose an activity linked to the person's past – someone who worked in sewing can fold fabrics; someone who cooked can stir a bowl. Suggest rather than ask ("Let's fold this laundry") instead of giving open options ("What do you want to do?"), which often cause confusion. Keep sessions short, 15 to 20 minutes, and stop at the first sign of tiredness or frustration – there's no need to finish the task.

The "Memory Trio" as support

A visible diary, simple task plans, and written lists (the so-called "Memory Trio") help structure the day and give the person clues about what comes next, reducing the anxiety of unpredictability. A whiteboard in the kitchen with the day's routine, in large letters, serves the same purpose.

"I discovered that my husband loved helping to set the table – he didn't do everything perfectly, but he smiled like I hadn't seen in a long time. I learned that the result matters less than the moment."

What NOT to do

• Do not choose childish activities or ones that do not respect the person's life history.
• Do not constantly correct "mistakes" during the activity – this generates shame and refusal.
• Do not insist if the person shows signs of frustration or tiredness.
• Do not compare current performance with what the person did before the illness.